oh i'm trying to get to you, time isn't on my side.

It's Keeping me awake,

It's been like this now for days,

My heart is out at sea,

and my head all over the place.

(LL)

Literally, I have no idea what's going on in my head anymore.

Everything's so screwed up.

And I hate being on my own.

I continuosly find myself just laying in bed looking at the ceiling,

trying to figure out why I feel like nothing's going right.

I feel like I did last October.

Completely and utterly. Helpless.

I'm sick of my thoughts.

I'm sick of my stupid secrets.

I'm sick of everything.

I can't be bothered with all this new medication,

that I bet you any money,

will NOT help me in the slightest.

I don't want to have to get up and think "Oh i've got 4 pills to take"
and I don't want to go through the day wondering when I'll next have some unbearable stomach ache.

I just cant be bothered.

I don't want to be fucking careful with everything I do.

I just want to act like I'm 13.

I don't want to grow up this fast.

The Things I don't have the guts to say:

Please just stop.

Stop this act your putting on for the world.

Stop this stupid false pretence you build up around yourself.

Trying so fucking hard to be something your not.

I love who you are.

You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel amazing.

Your pretty damn incredible as you are.

All your doing is pushing me away,

making me not feel good enough for what you call 'yourself'.

But your not yourself.

I don't know who you are.

Your not the person I thought I knew.

Or maybe I've just changed.

Maybe I'm not half the person I thought I was,

or Maybe I've just grown up.

Whatever way,

I don't like this. At all.

thankyou,

&

goodnight

(LL)