dontreadthisplese.

Okay, blogger.

This is just a fucking long paragraph about the shambles that is my life.

I don't feel anything anymore. Any emotion i had left in me has been drained away by this false smile i'm constantly painting across my face. Every inch of love I had for people has been ripped out of my chest and either thrown on the floor or just taken for granted. I can't describe this feeling. This constant lump in my throat as if all the words have swollen up and refuse to come out. This constant ache in my body as if all my feelings are attacking my bones + muscles. I don't want to feel this useless. Worthless. Ugly. But I just can't help it. I want to feel wanted again. I want to fall in love again but only as long as they'll love me back. Because love has gotten me into this mess, and I wish I'd never fallen for you. Our friendship is something I wouldn't trade for the world, but our relationship is the memories I just need to come to life. I can't keep telling myself I'm fine and I'm completely okay with everything. Cause I'm not.

I dont even love you anymore. I just miss how it felt when I knew I meant the world to you. In a sense, I dont miss you. I miss the feeling. God I hope you never read this because I can't risk those late night chats, that one thing that I've managed to cling to. To just savour the tiniest thing from what used to be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Oh and I kind of feel sorry for her, because, despite everything that she's said, done, or gotten her friends to do. I know how she feels. You tore her heart up aswell. She may not be my cup of tea, but she's still just another girl who probably feels just like me. I can't stop her saying stuff about me or you or get her friends to just leave this be, but I can just not hold a grudge. Love makes you do stupid stuff, she'll hopefully realise that someday.

I feel so distant from everyone. Like I say words but that's not how I feel. Its like I'm reading a script and watching someone else's life go by. And I know at any point I can intervene but I just haven't got the energy. I can't change everything. Because everyone's changed. Even my best friends, have become just different. I love them to pieces still. But its different, and not very nice. I could really use a wish right now.

I haven't cried since we broke up because nothing could ever make me that sad.

All my emotions are just bottling up and I think I'm gonna explode.

Someone just listen to me? I know I'll moan and probably pour my heart out, but just please, give me 5 minutes to tell you how much this fucking hurts. And how much I've lied to you all.

I'm sorry if anyone reads this.

I need someone to sweep me off my feet.

):

So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them,

Full speed ahead.

Oh you are not, useless.

(LL)

I'm only one girl and I'm not a magician.
I can't mend broken hearts, and I can't turn back time.
I can't stop people hurting and I can't create miracles.
I'm no good at sympathy and I don't know what the world thinks of me.
But I'm pretty damn sure it's near enough what I think of myself.
I'm plain. I'm not pretty and I'm not special.
I can't make something happen that's not meant to be.
I can't make myself feel something I don't.
And I can't stop feeling something that I do.
Maybe that's why I feel so god damn useless.


Everyone and Everything makes no sense.
People are confusing and I can't figure anyone out.
How am I meant to when I can't figure myelf out?
I'm a wreck inside cause I don't know what I want anymore.
I just need someone to rely on.
Someone who can tell me it's all gonna be okay and that I'm fine the way I am.
Cause, atm, I don't feel fine.
I feel like I'm not living up too expectations and I'm dissapointing people.
I'm meant to be the strong friend that copes with just about everything.
But I'm not coping.
I'm not coping with anything.
Little things make me upset and angry.
Everything aches on my body because I'm forcing myself to get on with it.
I just don't want to be this person I'm not.


For so long I've built up this image of myself.
The kind that says,
"I'm-'Ard.-Nothing-Bothers-Me-Because-I-Couldn't-Care-Less-What-Anyone-Thinks-Of-Me."
That entire statement was a lie.
Fuck it. I care so much about what other people think.
I just don't want to do it anymore.


For weeks I've been saying "I'm the old me again".
I'm not.
I'm never going to be.
Because that person dissapeared when I made myself into something else.
And now I can't get my old-self back because I'm slowly turning into this image I've portrayed myself as.


I'm only one girl and I'm not a magician.
I can't mend broken hearts, and I can't turn back time.
But I wish more than anything that I could.

Thank You

&

Goodnight

(L)

with the world stuck in black and white.

I used to be love drunk,

But now I'm hungover.

I love you forever,

Forever is over.

(LL)

Woah.

Being nice really doesn't get you anywhere, does it?

Honestly love, who the fuck do you think you are?

Seriously, I should have punched you in the face weeks ago.

Not only are you the most backstabbing whore I've ever had the misfortune to meet,

you are the most repulsive, ugly bitch and you deserve everything you get.

I thought to myself at the start of all this, "I'll give her a chance. She's not a bad person."

But fuck was I wrong. You are the worst type of person to ever live.

People like you should be pushed in a fucking grave and spat on,

yeah that's disgusting, but so are the looks you gave me.

I don't fucking control everything he does, maybe if you were a nicer person,

we might invite you along sometimes. No chance anymore.

I really hope he breaks your fucking heart into pieces.

Cause I've got no doubt in my mind he will.

And I will personally laugh in your silly little face.

Rant over.

Anyway, today was quite cool apart from seeing that slag.

The field was beautiful in this weather, and the pictures we took were immense.

Apart from the end when I like nearly died from pain, but oh well.

It was a lovely day, and Chubby Bunny is the best game ever :')

I won £55 on the Grand National thanks to Daisie's lovely farja.

I'm just ecstatic (L)

Well,

that's about it.

I'm babysitting tonight,

so it's another late one.

But otherwise, my life's sweet (:

Happy Blogging (:

you took a left off last laugh lane.

Oh the boy's a slag,

The best you ever had
(LL)

Wow I haven't blogged in a million years (':
Hrm, maybe time for a caaatch up? ;]


Last night was physically the best night of my life.
I saw Mayday Parade, got right to front,
drunk the lead singer's water and touched a drumstick.
And if that was not enough,
I fucking met him. OhMyGOD(LL)
He was standing right at the bar in front of me,
and at first I did not believe my eyes.
I was shaking all over and couldn't speak, apart from,
"Jade. That's. Fucking. DEREEEEK!"
LOL. i make myself laugh (':
But yeah, he signed my shirt, he took a picture with me,
and had his arms round my shoulders.
My life is complete. I could be shot right now, and I would not care.
Last night was perfect. And it was with the perfect people.
Daisie, Lauren, Jade, Bridie + Connor obv ;) LOL.




I've had an amazing week.
I must admit my emotions have been just about fucking everywhere.
I can't tell if anything's real anymore, as in, I don't know who's fake and who's genuine.
I mean recently, I've completely stuck everything in the past,
the future's what I'm concentrating on.
But some bloody how, you and her, actually, her. She just pops up everywhere.
Sorry if that make's no sense.
But after this, the last thing I want, is her face plastered just about everywhere I go.
I've got no problem with her, but it's bothering me how in the space of a month,
she's the main gossip for just about EVERYONE.
People need to let this go. I have, why can't you'z?
Seriously everyone, stop trying to find drama in a bunch of lies.
Cause your trying to make me feel better, but I'm OKAY.
I'm completely fine! Please stop treating me like a kid.
I can deal with this! Actually, I HAVE dealt with this.
I've moved on!
For god sake, just get out of the past.


Otherwise,
the weather is fucking immeeenseee :)
It's absolutly lovely,
roll on summer.


Oh and one more thing.
You are actually a cunt.
I hope someone rips your fucking head off,
and throws it under a moving bus.
You're the reason no-one trusts anyone anymore.
Go fuck yourself.

Happy Blogging!
:)

Its a long way down

Just fall into place and you'll fall into me

Well make it out you'll see

(LL)

Hrm, I do a lot of thinking,

and I make a lot of mistakes.

You'd think I'd learn right? :')

Ah I'm just one of those people that never learns.

But I'm still young right?

I don't have to be perfect.

This is more of a catch up blog.

So, my mums joining a gym, so I'm going along with her, losing weight.

I need to get back on track tbh.

Cause when something bad happens,

I comfort eat.

And for the past 2 weeks I've just ate and ate.

Now it's time to get over myself.

So I'm swimming early every morning,

I'm snacking on fruit, and I'm gonna be slim.

Just you wait and see.

But yeah,

life's pretty shweet :)

I've been in a lovely mood all day,

and everyone pretty much seems the same :)

Happy Blogging!
Goodnight :)
(L)

this is not a lecture.

I have no lyrics.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Love.
It's over-used right?
No-one really knows what it means anymore,
cause everyone uses it so frequently.
You fancy someone. Suddenly you love them?
No. It doesn't work like that.
You don't love someone just cause you wanna get in their pants.
You don't love someone just cause you like their personality.
You don't love someone just cause they have big tits or you think they're fit.
You love someone cause you adore everything about them.
Every part of they're personality and their looks,
every fault and imperfection.
Because to you, the imperfection's make them perfect.


In all honesty, I don't think many people are capable of love.
I think society has totally dumbed the word down and made it another everyday saying.
Every single person I know has told someone they loved them, when they didnt.
It's human nature. But only because we've made it human nature.
Fair enough if those three words don't mean anything to you,
and you can disgregard them just as easily as yesterdays newspaper.
But they can cause so much hope or hurt in someone.
You can go through life telling every girlfriend/boyfriend you have that you love them,
lead them on until they actually believe you could be capable of that amount of feeling,
and then just let them go without a second thought.
Love does not dissapear. So for anyone to say they 'fell out of love' just suggests to me,
you were never in love in the first place.
And here you are doing exactly the same thing to some poor other girl that's gonna fall completely head over heels for every single imperfection about you,
and your just going to let her down again. Your not capable of loving someone.
So I really hope, with everything I've got, that you fall in love with her,
every single last thing you could love about her,
and then she crushes you. Finds someone better. Skinnier. Better looking.
Then you'll know how it feels. And I hope it fucking well hurts more than anyone can imagine.

Peace Out,

Girl Scout

(L)

This blog says fuck a lot in it.

I don't normally do two posts in one day,
but I'd just like to say.




FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE AND LIFE AND FUCKING EVERYTHING.
CAUSE I FUCKING HATE YOU.
YOUR A MASSSIVE TWO FACED CUNT AND I HOPE YOU DIE.
that applied to A LOT of people.




You all fucking call yourselves my friends but your all major fucking dickheads.
I don't know why the fuck I'm friends with any of you.
With the exception of about three people.
You all need to fucking grow up!


We've been friends with you for almost 3 years,
and you've known them about 3 months,
and suddely, THEY'RE PUT FIRST.
I dont fucking care who knows who this is about.
I CANT STAND YOU LOT ANYMORE.
YOU'VE BECOME ARROGANT WANKERS
ANND I HOPE I NEVER FUCKING SEE YOU
EVER AGAIN.
GO FUCKING DIE
YOU SILLY PIKEYS.
IHATEYOU.


FUCKYOURLIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm on my way to believing.

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts and we've got to find other ways
To make it alone or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk
(LL)
fml. thank you for summing up everything i feel in one verse paramore.


I'm tired off being the tough, 'ard person that gets through absolutly everything without a scratch on her.
Cause this is all i've been through this.
I've smiled, I've laughed, I've changed myself to convince myself I'm better than you.
But I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep telling people I'm absolutly fine, and then going home and just feeling like there's nothing left.
Cause that's what I do.
I go home, I go upstairs and stare at the ceiling for about 3 hours trying to figure out where the fuck I'm hoping to go.


Everyone else around me is so wrapped up in their own problems, no seems to see that everything I do,
is just a little bit over-the-top.
I'm just a little to happy.
I'm just a bit too giggly.
I'm just a little to 'okay' with the people that have caused this.
I know that it's not anyone's fault.
Why would you look for emotions that I've told you I don't feel?
Well maybe because I'm a liar. And half of you should know that by now.
I lie so much, and I wish I could stop. But, I quote Mean Girls here, its like word vomit,
I can't stop saying them, they just slip out so easily, no-one knows and I'm so good at it.
That's not being arrogant.
But lying just comes naturally, I convince people to believe something so easily.
Sometimes I wish people would figure me out.


I'm just a mess inside,
I'm so fucked up in my head,
I've just taken to not caring anymore.
I don't give a shit about anyone but myself and I've never been like this before.
Probably because now all this has blown over, I don't, I can't and I won't trust anyone,
Just cause it's not worth the risk anymore.



The funny thing is, I don't want to be with you.
A relationship is the LAST thing I want.
All I want right now, is too be able to look at you and just think,
"we're friends and i dont feel anything else."
but i guess that'll come with time?
pah. idk.



I'm having a bad day,
and I really do hope I don't feel like this tomorrow,
cause I don't wanna give you the satisfaction of knowing I take 3 steps foward and 4 steps back.
I'm sorry I can't even fucking be this close to you without getting false hope,
cause you've moved on. and 'we' are never going to happen again.


so here's too everything i dont want to feel.

Thank You

&

Goodnight

(LL)