ouch.

I fucking miss you okay? so, so much.

Is that what you wanted?

Me to sit there and tell you how much this fucking hurts?,

and how pathetic i think i am because i can't get over this?

mission accomplished.

cause all i've done all weekend is cry and feel sick.

you were just always perfect ok?

you meant the fucking world to me.

you knew how much i needed you,

just to fucking keep me going,

and you go and fuck me up even more.

the stuff you said and the way you knew i was crying even in the dark so you hugged me,

just made me want to stop time even though i was pouring my eyes out, i wanted to stay there forever because i knew i was safe.

and i actually thought you cared.

i want you to want me,

because god knows i want you more than i've ever wanted anything.

im sorry.

dontevenbother.

Oh fuck. Fucketdy Fuck Fuck, Wank, Shit, Cunt

That was bad. So fucking bad. Oh god.

Someone tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?

And why I do this stuff when I know I'm being a twat?

But for fuck sake, it takes two to tango.

Oh god. I haven't cried in 6 weeks, or been sick in 4 years.

And I fucking broke that record last night.

All because of that.

Why. Why. Why.

I was stupid to ever consider doing that,

and doing it just makes me into the biggest idiot around.

I seriously need a slap.

And even after that,

I go and pour my fucking heart out to you.

And what makes it worse, is that all the stuff you said to me,

made me feel better.

And it shouldn't have.

Because it's most probably a load of bullshit.

But I believe it, cause its just easy to believe.

And just for the record, I didn't go to sleep as you told me to.

I layed awake until about 7, wondering what the hell to do next.

Cause I've been through some right shit with you,

but this is the worst.

Because this time I knew that it was going to happen. You knew what you were doing.

I should of walked away.

But me being me, didnt.

And now I'm stuck with that in my head and I can't even fucking remember anything apart from how good it made me feel about myself.

And then how everything just fucking hit me afterwards and how I've never felt like my chest was going to burst until that moment.

All I know is what I kept repeating last night.

I don't know what to do.

And all the stuff I told you about what I think about myself, is true.

You could sit there for more than the hour you did, trying to convince me that it's not true.

But it fucking is and everyone knows it.

I haven't said this in ages.

But.

FUCK MY LIFE.

I can't do this anymore.