So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them,

Full speed ahead.

Oh you are not, useless.

(LL)

I'm only one girl and I'm not a magician.
I can't mend broken hearts, and I can't turn back time.
I can't stop people hurting and I can't create miracles.
I'm no good at sympathy and I don't know what the world thinks of me.
But I'm pretty damn sure it's near enough what I think of myself.
I'm plain. I'm not pretty and I'm not special.
I can't make something happen that's not meant to be.
I can't make myself feel something I don't.
And I can't stop feeling something that I do.
Maybe that's why I feel so god damn useless.


Everyone and Everything makes no sense.
People are confusing and I can't figure anyone out.
How am I meant to when I can't figure myelf out?
I'm a wreck inside cause I don't know what I want anymore.
I just need someone to rely on.
Someone who can tell me it's all gonna be okay and that I'm fine the way I am.
Cause, atm, I don't feel fine.
I feel like I'm not living up too expectations and I'm dissapointing people.
I'm meant to be the strong friend that copes with just about everything.
But I'm not coping.
I'm not coping with anything.
Little things make me upset and angry.
Everything aches on my body because I'm forcing myself to get on with it.
I just don't want to be this person I'm not.


For so long I've built up this image of myself.
The kind that says,
"I'm-'Ard.-Nothing-Bothers-Me-Because-I-Couldn't-Care-Less-What-Anyone-Thinks-Of-Me."
That entire statement was a lie.
Fuck it. I care so much about what other people think.
I just don't want to do it anymore.


For weeks I've been saying "I'm the old me again".
I'm not.
I'm never going to be.
Because that person dissapeared when I made myself into something else.
And now I can't get my old-self back because I'm slowly turning into this image I've portrayed myself as.


I'm only one girl and I'm not a magician.
I can't mend broken hearts, and I can't turn back time.
But I wish more than anything that I could.

Thank You

&

Goodnight

(L)