Now I'm told that this is life

And pain is just a simple compromise

So we can get what we want out of it.

I don't want to deal with you anymore.
I don't want to laugh when you make a joke,
even though your smile makes me smile.
I feel pathetic and sad that you've still got this kind of hold over me.
No-one has EVER made me feel this awful.
And the worst part?
This doesn't effect you.
You'll sit and watch me physically struggle not to cry,
and it doesn't bother you.
Your just a friend. But your still everything.
And I'd rather have nothing at all than have this feeling.


I dye my hair,
I lose weight,
I get new make-up,
I wear new clothes.
And I feel still worthless.
It doesn't make a difference.
It doesn't make anything inside hurt any less.
I don't think anyone will ever get how much this really hurts atm.
How much I really srtuggle not to shout and scream at everyone,
not because I'm angry at them,
because I'm angry at myself.
I'm so frustrated I'm this weak that I can't handle talking to you without remembering just about everything I love about you.


I miss you.
And I'm sorry I'm a useless wreck.

Thank you

&

Goodnight

:/